For those of us who have been through a marriage, those word of promise recited with starry eyes in front of our family and friends are SO familiar.  But most people who enter this sacred union amid dreams of happily ever after are really not concerned (initially) about the dreaded “D” word severing their union;  and by the way, I mean “Debt”; not “Divorce”!

Given that the divorce rate in America is at 50% for first marriages, 67% for second and 74% for third, your odds aren’t good from the get-go. Combine that with the fact that financial difficulties, and the stress that accompanies them, are one of the leading causes of marital strife; so what can you do to increase the chances that your union will make it to the death benchmark ?

The key is to start the process even before you choose a partner.  It’s probably not the most romantic topic of conversation, but during the honeymoon phase of dating, you really need to discuss your views on financial issues, as well as your individual financial situation. Of particular importance, especially given current economic events, is the credit and debt situation of the person you are considering partnering up with. Of course, not all folks will be comfortable with the topic; particularly if the answers are not good!

Even though debts that someone brings into a marriage under their own name are not legally the responsibility of the spouse,  these certainly will be relevant points particularly if the other party was unaware of their existence. If you plan to combine your finances after marriage as many folks do, or are planning to make a major purchase such as a car or home and will need to utilize credit to do so, it is imperative that you are aware of your spouses credentials in the credit arena. Good, bad, or indifferent; the point here is the disclosure in advance will result in a more likely foundation for trust, and/or open the doors for addressing the issues prior to entering the marriage. And ending a marriage can be far more costly than the initial financial snafu that may have contributed to it’s demise.

It’s certainly human nature to focus on the positive, and more “interesting” things you have in common. Uncomfortable about asking someone you are dating straight out? Look for some warning signs: using cash exclusively, having a credit card denied, inconsistent spending behavior, living arrangements that don’t seem appropriate, receipt of harassing phone calls.

Of course, some of these signs can also be consistent with dating someone who is already married (does that really happen?). Our advice? Just be upfront and aware regarding all things financial when you are out there in the dating world. Pretty common “sensical”, but worth repeating.

Love to hear any readers comments or stories on marriage, dating and finances!

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