I saw some of these posted online and added a few of my own (my apologies in advance if anyone is offended).

1. I saw a man in Costco buying one roll of toilet paper
2. Bill Gates had to switch to dial up.
3. A picture is now only worth 200 words.
4. CEO’s are now playing miniature golf.
5. They send out pre-declined credit cards in the mail.
6. Hot Wheels and Matchbox car companies are now trading higher than GM in the stock market.
7. Angelina Jolie had to adopt a highway rather than a child.
8. I heard Yahoo today was looking for a merger partner on eHarmony.
9. Obama met with small businesses – GE, Pfizer, Chrysler, Citigroup and GM, to discuss the Stimulus Package.
10. McDonalds is selling the 1/4 ouncer.
11. Dick Cheney was caught waterboarding his stockbroker
12. People in Africa are donating money to Americans.
13. People are standing behind George Bush wherever he goes hoping for free shoes.
14. The Mafia is laying off judges.
15. At an auto dealership yesterday, I saw a new car disclaimer which read “Battery not Included”.
16. A stripper was recently killed when her audience showered her with rolls of pennies while she danced.
17. My niece told me she wants to dress up as a 401K for Halloween so that she can turn invisible.
18. If the bank returns your check marked as “insufficient funds,” you have to call them and ask if they meant you or them.
19. Wall Street is thinking of revising the “DOW” average acronym to “DOWN” average.

Know any more? Add them!

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