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Please help-Safety in Jeopardy


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I'm in the middle of a divorce. My stbx has a Domestic Violence restraining order and I live in an undisclosed location (in other words he doesn't know my address) and that helps our kids and me to feel safe at night.

In any case, I have started to get mail at my address addressed to my ex husband. At first, I just wrote "return to sender, nobody with this name at this address". But, after the third one, I realized that these mailings were from financial insitutions where they were offering credit to him.

I started wondering how in the world they attached his name to my address and realized that it could have come from the credit beureaus because we had joint accounts so if they see his name on my report from old joint accounts, they might "assume" he lives at my new address too.

Now that I've explained the history, I'm concerned that my address will now show up on HIS credit report because these offers of credit are getting mailed to him at my address. If he orders his report, he will see my address there and suddenly he knows where we live and we are no longer safe.

Does anyone know what I can do? Do these companies just send them out or would they get added to his credit report which would show my address thinking he moved there too? I'm really concerned about this. I called the credit companies and they have flagged them not to send soliciting mail but if they already attached themselves to my stbx's reports with my address, I have big problems. The people on the phone couldn't tell me if my address has or would show up on his report.

Sorry I've gone on and on but I'm really nervous about this. I would appreciate any help from anyone who knows how this all works. I might have to get a PO box but then, it might already be too late.

Thanx so much for your help, Duckie

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First, welcome to the boards.

Second, I'm sorry about the situation you are in. Been there, done that.

Third, I would still go to the post office or MailBoxes, Etc and get a PO Box for all your mail.

Fourth, you might see if there is a Women's Abuse Shelter where you live. Contact them and see if they can give you advice on safety issues and things you can do to protect yourself and your children.

Fifth, I would call each CC co and the CRA's (I'm not clear on who you called), explain the situation and see if they can immediately take you off those joint accounts or something.

Maybe I'm wrong here, and if I am, someone with more experience will come along and give you some better advice. God Bless you and your children. Know that there is light at the end of all of this and that you are not alone. If you ever need to just 'talk' please feel free to PM me for my e-mail address. I'm a good listener and understand what you are going through.

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The big 3 have flagged my account now as a "Fraud" account and solicitations won't be sent to my address.

However, if my address is now on his credit report, it's all too late. I got your PM and some of that will help but again, I don't know if my address is alerady listed on his report. The 3 companies can't tell me. They said it's for safety purposes and I understand taht but it's MY safety and the kids that I'm trying to work on. So, they can't seem to help me with OUR safety. I just have to keep calling the companies that keep mailing things to my stbx (if I can tell who sent them because I can't legally open them) and make sure they take my address off their list.

Again, none of what I've done protects yesterday. If my address is on his report, there's not much I can do and I'm really upset about it. I've been so careful for so long and this was out of my control I guess. If I knew my address wasn't on his report, I would know moving forward, that all would be okay.

I appreciate the help, Duckie

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I have been using a private mailbox for over five years.

And it is great. Even my driver's license has that address.

Why should I have to broadcast my residential address to the whole world when I write a check, etc...

I get all my bills there and all my mail including what I use with the credit bureaus.

I prefer the private mailbox over the PO box because there is so much more versatility, like receiving FedEX, UPS, etc. And using the # sign to make it appear as a residential address that you cannot do with a PO box.

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