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Don't let your ex trash your credit


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Oh yeah, Cole has been down this road too.

As have I. My ex--who wasn't even my husband--trashed my credit in ways that went beyond credit cards. That SOB. My name is mud for 10 years while he flits around scot-free with his lovely new wife and their two precious pooches in their fancy Manhattan apartment. Meanwhile I'm still paying the price for everything he stuck me with.

Stay single. That's my advice. :x

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As have I. My ex--who wasn't even my husband--trashed my credit in ways that went beyond credit cards. That SOB. My name is mud for 10 years while he flits around scot-free with his lovely new wife and their two precious pooches in their fancy Manhattan apartment. Meanwhile I'm still paying the price for everything he stuck me with.

Stay single. That's my advice. :x

I have always kind of wondered about that. My wife and I don't share anything like credit or banking. There are no joint accounts or authorized users.

Sometimes it is inconvenient but it has NEVER been a marital issue and actually, it was never even brought up. The only thing that her name is on would be the deed to the house (community property state) but the entire mortgage is under my name.

We have never discussed it (therefore never argued about it).

I know too many people who are always fighting about finances and credit but when EVERYTHING is entirely separated, then there is like no reason to fight unless someone did not own up to their end. But even then, that is their problem, not really a couple problem...

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On this note though... I did have a bit of success with the only OPEN joint account we had. It is a Belk store card. I've been trying to get ahold of this supervisor and finally did yesterday. At first we got a bit cranky with eachother, but in the end things worked out fairly well. She is going to send me paperwork to sign and have notarised for me to take full control of the account. Once I send the paperwork back to her, the account will be re-opened, late fees (almost $200!!!) will be reversed, and the lates (now 60 days past due) will be reversed. I think I got lucky that I spotted this account when I did and began chasing them down, because she said that since it wasn't too far behind and she shows alot of returned mail (they have his OLD address on file), that it proves he has no desire to take care of this, and obviously I do. The only bummer is I have to pay it off now, LOL! But it's only about $480, so I'm pretty sure I can handle that one. :) The up side is I'll have another TL in my name.

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When you live together, and plan to get married, you often don't have "joint accounts" yet, but your finances can still be entangled. You share the rent, the bills, the vacation costs etc. If one skips out on all that, the other is screwed. Here's a story for ya:

I was living overseas and came back here to be with my boyfriend. I left everything behind in that country... the home I owned (which got foreclosed on when the renter stopped paying rent), all my furniture, appliances, career, everything. We got an apartment together and of course everything was his. I was immediately hit with a old student loan that had grown from $2500 to over $7000. I chose to pay it all at once rather than have it follow me for several years in installments. Big mistake.

I took the first job that was offered to me, which was low-paying. But since I was paying only half the bills, it was OK. He insisted on living in Manhattan, which was very expensive ($1200 for one room, this was 1992). I gave in. Another mistake.

He was starting his own business, so of course I was all supportive of this and understanding of how all his effort and cash had to go into it. I still had my AmEx Gold and Optima that were transferred from the other country. Various expenses were all put on my cards--from vacations to groceries--that he was going to "pay me back" for. DEFINITE mistake.

I began to notice certain aspects of his lifestyle (partying, etc.) that didn't mesh with mine. We started to, uh, not get along. Furtive phone calls, working late, restaurant receipts and phone numbers on slips of paper followed. Same old story. Then one night I looked in his briefcase when he was out AGAIN, and found a lease for a new apartment. Just the week before, he had rushed me into signing the lease on ours. I confronted him and he said he was moving out. A few days later I came home to an empty apartment.

The high rent he stuck me with by making me sign the lease and then moving out behind my back... knowing I didn't make enough to pay the whole thing and I was stuck there for at least another year, plus the bills he left behind on my cards, started me on the road to BK.

And when he left, he took everything with him. Everything was his... all my stuff had been left behind. You know what I had to buy when he skipped out on me? A bed, a nightstand, a clock radio, lamps, a table and chairs, a computer desk, a TV, a stereo, a VCR (and a place to put them), dishes, silverware, glasses/cups, pots and pans, a microwave... I didn't even have a PHONE! He took everything except the futon couch!! More stuff on my cards.

I didn't have the track record in this country to get a new place (getting an apt. is different in NYC), and I was in no position to break my lease. I didn't make enough to pay my rent (the rent was equal to what I took in every month) and all the bills so I started living on credit. I got more and more cards and played with balance transfers. I started making more money and was able to pay them all, but I had nothing left over.

After a few years, I took the first step by moving out of Manhattan. That chopped $600 a month off my rent, which had grown to $1600 a month. I was $65,000 in debt and every single card was paid on time if I had to starve. I was making $300 payments on cards and seeing the balance go down by $20. Then I'd use that $20 to live. I went into credit counseling but that made it worse, as they didn't make payments on time. Eventually I realized that BK was my only real option. That was 5 years ago. Since then, and with no one to affect my financial decisions but me, I have like $500 in debt.

I wasn't married. But I still didn't get to the world of bankruptcy alone. I had quite a bit of help from my F**king Ex.

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I got bit, too. Twice. It's funny how I didn't seem to learn, but at least I learned SOME, because I didn't get hit nearly as hard the second time. The first was my divorce, I made the common mistake of believing the judge when he told me she got half the bills. The creditors didn't see it that way, and when she stopped paying her half, I couldn't pay it either, thanks to the child support that took most of my money.

The second time was 5 years later, when my live in girlfriend moved out and stole my credit cards on the way out. That was after I made some "loans" to he that never got paid. That one cost me only $15K or so.

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Yep! You don't have to have joint or even AU accounts for someone else to be able to affect your life financially. You just have to be too trusting and too generous (which we tend to be--against our better judgment--when we love someone). All you can hope for is that you learned from it in the end. In my last relationship I almost went down the same road, so maybe I didn't learn as well as I thought. But at least this time I demanded back the $3000 loan, even if I got none of the material things back. Hey, it's a start!! :wink:

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