I have 4 CC debts in my mothers name......

[dizzienc]

Hey to all,

I will make this as short as possible.

Im a single mother since 1997. My son is now 14. My mother allowed me to use her MBNA CC 8 years ago when I was having a hard time. The bills were sent to me so her husband wouldn't find out.

I would get 0% offers in her name so I would transfer the account myself. In 2003 I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and was out of work for a year. Dr. told me I would have to make a career change or file disabilty. So I chose the career change. I pretty much lived off CC's(my moms).

I thought I had things under control until I was up to 4 CC's. MBNA, AMEX, Discover, Chase. Total on all about 25,000.

This past June I was out of work for a month for surgery and this is where it all falls apart. I was living paycheck to paycheck and CC's for 8 yrs so I would not be a burden on anyone in the family by borrowing from them. I thought I had things under control.

As you can guess the minimum payments on each card were so high I could not make them. I explained everything to my mother who by the way is 73yrs.

She was upset but not at the fact I had used her credit, she said she wasn't going to be buying anything else anyway, but that I had this stress on me for so long and she doesn't know much about what the CC Co can do to her or me...AMEX has been turned into a CA. And they are a-holes bigtime! All other accounts are closed.

I have made arrangements to lower my overhead by moving to a place $200 cheaper than I was. I plan at income tax time to let my lease go back and get $1500 or so car to drive. I would like to pay my debt but it is still going to take some time before I even get my head above water again.

Whew......Now my question is what do I need to do? I don't even know where to begin.

Any replies would be greatly appreciated.

worried sick--dizzienc

[Lisa0825]

I can't really give you any advice, because I still feel like I have so much to learn, and there are so many here much more qualified than me. But I felt the need to reply because I found your post to be so touching...

"She was upset but not at the fact I had used her credit, she said she wasn't going to be buying anything else anyway, but that I had this stress on me for so long."

I'm sure that the situation you got yourself into must have caused you a huge amount of stress, and I can't imagine how hard it must have been to come clean to your mom.

And her reaction just amounted to unconditional love... her only concern was how hard this has been on you. What a great mom you must have.

I hope that you will find all the answers you need here to straighten things out, and that you will stay on the right track afterwards.... hugs your mom from me.

[direred]

This is where a prosper loan (for your immediate needs) could be the right solution. www.prosper.com. Unfortunately, PsychDoc's group isn't accepting new members, but it's good to go look around and see if that looks like it might help you get back on your feet.

[dizzienc]

Thanks for your reply Lisa 0825 and direred,

I am very thankfull to have my mother. She is good to understand because she also was in an abusive marriage and had to leave. She didn't remarry until her kids were grown. I am the youngest of 5.Oldest is 56, 53, 50, 41, and me 36...big age differences. They have all moved to other states and I was here to see how it upset her not being able to see them whenever she'd like. At 11yrs old I told her I would never leave her and I haven't. We are very close. Although, she knows all my stresses and it worries her, sometimes I think more than it does me. I worry about her health because of it.

I wish I'd handled things differently. I used her CC's as a cushion.

I don't want anyone to think I abused them for any pleasureable things,, I have only what I need, never been on a vacation, or even have any name brand clothes. Thank goodness my son isn't big on having to have those things either. I have an awesome son!

I looked at the prosper website, I never new that existed. As things are right now I cannot take out a loan. At this point I'm still trying to get caught up from my surgery. I had to get an advance at work to pay a car payment so they will be drafting $50 from my paycheck until that is paid. But I will diffently save it to my favorites for future reference...thanks so much.

Thanks again for your reply

dizzenc

[Ahntara]

You don't have credit trouble, you have money trouble. There are no easy solutions or quick fixes. Truth is, you have to either increase your income, decrease your expenses or do both. Anyone who tells you otherwise is marketing. I don't know anything about a prosper loan, but from your post, more credit seems like the LAST thing you need.

As for your mother, she is your victim. You have perpetrated the crime of Identity Theft/Fraud against her and her creditors. For her to exercise her rights under the law, she would have to file a police report and affidavits of debt (detailing your actions).

My recommendation is to change from the inside out. With your infirmity, your situation probably won't let up for some time. In that time, you need to educate yourself and work to clean up the mess you have made in ignorance. I recommend any and all books by Katherine (or Catherine) Ponder. You may also want to dabble in Suze Orman. (Her data is faulty but she does a good job of speaking to the honor factor of money). If you change your attitude, then your actions can follow naturally. But whatever you do, I urge you to accept responsibility for the situation you are in and develop a plan to climb up out of this hole you have dug for yourself. I also wish you luck!

[dizzienc]

Did you want to help or critisize?

' With your infirmity, your situation probably won't let up for some time. In that time, you need to educate yourself and work to clean up the mess you have made in ignorance."

NOUN: infirmity

1. A bodily ailment or weakness, especially one brought on by old age. 2. Frailty; feebleness. 3. A condition or disease producing weakness. 4. A failing or defect in a person's character.

NOUN: ig·no·rance

The condition of being uneducated, unaware, or uninformed.

I DON'T THINK TRYING TO MAKE IT AS A SINGLE MOTHER WITH NO OTHER HELP BUT HER OWN MOTHER WHO ALLOWED ME TO USE HER CREDIT IS EITHER IGNORANT OR INFIRMITY.

"Truth is, you have to either increase your income, decrease your expenses or do both."

I posted:

I have made arrangements to lower my overhead by moving to a place $200 cheaper than I was. I plan at income tax time to let my lease go back and get $1500 or so car to drive. I would like to pay my debt but it is still going to take some time before I even get my head above water again.

"I don't know anything about a prosper loan, but from your post, more credit seems like the LAST thing you need."

I posted:

As things are right now I cannot take out a loan.

" If you change your attitude, then your actions can follow naturally. But whatever you do, I urge you to accept responsibility for the situation you are in and develop a plan to climb up out of this hole you have dug for yourself. I also wish you luck!"

I posted:

I would like to pay my debt but it is still going to take some time before I even get my head above water again.

I came to this site for help on where to begin dealing with CC Co's and CA's.

If you have any advice on these please post again.

Thanks dizzienc

[MissaFraQ]

dizzienc, Ahntara basically said the same thing you did - just a lot harsher. I also don't think you understand the severity of the situation you have created.

Because if I understand correctly, you made the debt but you made the debt in your mother's name. The collection agencies wont come after you - they will go after your 73 yr old mother. I don't know if you can't make payment arrangements and you can't file bankruptcy on the debt because it's not in your name. The only recourse your mother has is to pay the debt, file bankruptcy herself OR (as Ahntara stated) she would have to file a police report and affidavits of debt which would detail your actions and you would probably be arrested.

Everyone here has been in trouble credit-wise to one extent or another. That's why we are all here - to educate ourselves, hopefully fix our mistakes, learn the lesson and move on.

I don't know what advice I can offer (like you, I'm disabled right now) and I struggle just to keep up. I've always said "I can see the light at the end of the tunnel - I just hope it's not an oncoming train" OR (one of my favs.) "Due to budget cuts, the light at the end of the tunnel will be temporarily unavailable.

[Ahntara]

"Do you want to help or critsize?..."

To help. Otherwise I wouldn't have taken the time to post. I don't recommend Katherine Ponder lightly.

Infirmity="...fibromyalgia..." That was in your post, wasn't it?

Ignorance="...I would get 0% offers in her name...I pretty much lived off CC's (my moms)..." I can't believe that you would characterize this behavior as educated, aware or informed. Your post(s) implied that you don't.

"...I came to this site for help on where to begin dealing with CC Co's and CA's..."

But you posted, "...I don't even know where to begin. Any replies would be greatly appreciated..."

You can change your situation in a much more profound way than by simply repairing your credit. There are principles and belief systems that can change your life completely. You don't have to suffer as a "single mother with no other help" or that you "had this stress on me for so long" or "that it is going to take some time before I even get my head above water again". You can realize that you have a right to prosperity, that all things are possible for you. You also need to realize what got you into the mess you are in, what other potential consequences might arise and that you (and your Mother) cannot just escape those consequences. My personal belief is that this starts by transforming from the inside out. Education is crucial. I strongly urge you to start this. And I still wish you luck!

[newbie7069]

I'm sorry but if you in fact did not enter into this situation "ignorantly" as Ahntara politely put it, then the only other option is that you in fact did so with the full knowledge of the consequences and that you plainly did not care.

Your posts attempt to protray yourself as the victim of your circumstances. In no way do you seem to even slightly appear to take full responsibility for this situation. And in that regard Ahntara's suggestions for a complete life change are right on point.

Your own posts state that you began this entire affair 5 full years prior to your diagnosis, so your condition is not to blame. It is the lifestyle you refuse to change. I'm sorry but the fact that your driving a leased car speaks volumes to that. As well as dropping your rental overhead by only $200 when you are in debt over $25,000 with no options for paying it. How is that taking steps to OWN your actions?

These creditors will not come after you. They will came after your mother, a person who apparently values you much more than you value her. They will not be kind, they will harrass and harass her.

These boards are full of people in situations such as hers.

I think you need to step back look at what you have actually done, how you have lived, and how can you begin to make drastic life changes. Because that is what the situation demands. Attacking people who have done nothing but offered you constructive advice is also another prime example of how you feel like this all just happened to you...you weren't in control of any of it. And frankly, that's just bull****!

[Lisa0825]

To her credit, she came clean to her mother, rather than trying to hide it, and she came here looking for how to clean this mess up. Maybe I am naive or a pollyana, but I think she is trying to make things right, and if that is what you think she SHOULD do, the best way to foster that is to push her in the right direction, not bitch at her and tell her how awful she is. I have the feeling she has been hating herself for what she did for quite some time, and it took a lot of strength to come clean to her mom about it.

Yes, she screwed up, and she did things that she should not have done, that have consequences for an innocent third party. But at least she is making an effort to correct it, rather than just running and hoping she could keep covering it up.

[LNY]

Dizzienc, when you post in a public forum, unfortunately you will sometimes hear things you don't like. Not everyone will see your situation the same way you do, and you have to take the criticism with the advice. But feel free to explain and defend yourself when you feel something has been misinterpreted.

And everyone else, please remember that Dizzie's situation most likely has additional circumstances that she didn't have time to include. And also, in her haste to explain things she may have mischaracterized some situations, opinions and emotions. Also, some of the advice she's been given here will be very helpful to her, but in the future... right now she is looking for a starting point. Once she gets through that, she can begin to fix the big picture, with your advice.

Let's all step back for a few minutes. She's in a bad spot. She knows she's responsible for her life and she'd like some help in fixing the mess she made... but not maliciously. And Dizzie, again... if something is misunderstood, please clarify. You're not on trial here.

[dizzienc]

Everyone of you are on the outside of my life and I tried to post a short version of it, apparently the only one who can come close to understanding what Im doing here is Lisa 0825, who I would like to thank.

I know what I done was wrong. And I want to make things right. That is why Im here......not to be judged. I am not here for any kind of sympathy!

Ahntara, you are right that changes need to be made inside and out. And I will admit with everything that has happened to me there is alot that I could change about how I feel about myself. But just as alot of people here have read my post and got the wrong point from it, I did the same with yours.

And for the lease, I was talked into that by my family."Your a single woman with a child you need a dependable car". I WANT to let the car go back I am not at all concerned about my credit I want to fix what I messed up.

I can go into more detail.....If I didn't care I could have kept my apt and keep my car and went on with my life. BUT I have moved into a $200 dollar less a month(395 to be exact) mold and roach invested place and I WANT to get a paid for car so ALL my extra money can go to MY DEBT I owe on moms cards.

By the way....Has anyone here even read the home page on this site? I have, and I thought I would actually meet people who have experienced CC Co's and CA's who could give me some advice.

dizzienc

[dizzienc]

You said it better than I did.

dizzienc

[newbie7069]

Ok so now that we have all taken a breath....

I would ask whether you have sent any type of debt validation letter to any of the CAs in question?

What were the dates you last made payments on these accounts?

Are all of these accounts currently being held by the OC or have they already CO and sold?

What CAs are you dealing with?

These are all questions that will have to be answered in order to begin gaining more insight into what steps you need to take.

I WANT to let the car go back I am not at all concerned about my credit I want to fix what I messed up

I would be very careful here, you don't want to get in even deeper than you are now. Demolishing your credit is not going to help this situation and will only cause you greater issues over an even longer period of time. If you qualified for a lease, there is always the option of actually purchasing a cheaper car for smaller payments.

Also, do you have the option of possibly moving in with your mom for the time being and saving that rent in order to put it towards the cards? I know no one ever wants to move back in with their parents, but you do what you have to. Plus it might be that you can actually help her, while saving yourself some money.

[direred]

What's done is done, and the point is how the OP should move forward from this bad spot.

The point is you need a plan, not just to keep trying to make small dents in a big plan.

My questions are:

1) Of the $ you can pay, how much is that as a percentage of your total net income? (I don't care what the #s are, just the percentage)

2) What options may be available to you that may reduce your costs? E.g. are there any medical programs you'd be eligible for?

In your case, I recommend finding a local Debtor's Anonymous group and finding a sponsor who can help you work through a plan to repay your debt (by which I include that which you also owe your mother).

As an aside, I've found five things that have significantly reduced my fibromyalgia, and I offer them as what might help:

1) Getting sleep apnea treated (CPAP);

2) Nortriptyline for improving restorative sleep quantity and quality;

3) Yoga for physical movement that has improved my strength and overall capability (I do Iyengar);

4) 5-HTP at night (also improves sleep quality);

5) detox footpads I get from health marvels (these are kind of expensive, so I sometimes do without, but they do help with pain).

[dizzienc]

Newbie7069:

Only one CA for AMEX-GC Services Limited Partnership

Collection Agency Division

6330 Gulfton, Houston Tx 77081

Return Services to-Jacksonville, FL to a PO Box?

These are the ones I spoke with on the phone and were A-holes. When I asked for their address they refused to give it to me.

All others are still with the OC cause I have made random payments when I can. The dates vary from July. They are saying they will waive late fees and reduce intrest....but my problem there is the minimum payment is still to high for me to make and still handle the others. There is this one offer my mom gets to consolidate her cards thru MBNA...the amount would be deposited in her bank account and then we pay the creditors, with a payment I could afford. Do you think even though I have got this in such a mess that it would still be possible to do that? Wouldn't they look at the recent payment history and deny it?

What is a debt validation letter and where can I find one?

My credit isn't that great. My lease is only 269.00 a month. But there is a place here in town$500 down and $79 a month on a car I could check in on that. I just look at that 500. as it should go towards my moms CC.Am I wrong? I guess it would help more in the long run.

If it was up to my mom yes we would be living there, but it isn't. Her husband will not allow it. Thanks newbie7069 so much.

direred:

I will have to do some figuring on Q 1.

I have decent insurance at work so Im ok there with my medical.

Can you find a Debtors Anonynous local or on the web?

What do you mean by a sponsor?

With my FM I go to pain management. Do regular stretching and Zoloft helps me sleep and also helps my feet. Lunesta to help with sleep. Although this situation has had a major effect on me. I feel like I have been run over by a Mack truck this intire weekend. But now that we guys are on the right track I think that will get better.

Guys , thank you so much, now I can go to work today and know Im getting started on my mission.

With all your help I will not let my mother down or let you guys down.

Thanks again,

dizzienc

[LNY]

I'm extremely concerned about the mold and the roaches. Please call the Dept. of Health if your landlord will not take care of this. Both of these situations are extremely dangerous for you and your child.

[direred]

Can you find a Debtors Anonynous local or on the web?

What do you mean by a sponsor?

I don't know about your area, but in my area there are groups that meet in my town. Here's a link to their site.

A sponsor is someone who works with you to develop a financial plan and a debt paydown plan. It's just another normal person who's got a bit more experience.

[dizzienc]

I did call the health dept, they said "there was nothing they could do, a renter rents at their own risk." I have taken pictures, if there was a way to post them I would let you see.

I have put boric acid out everywhere and roach traps. I see one every once in a while. And I have poured I know 2 whole bottles of clorox under the kitchen sink and bathroom sink. It will probably eat thru the floor...lol.

But that is what my landlord told me to do.

I called the landlord Sat. because something was under the floor making a horrible racket for hours. Got his voicemail. He called me back this morning(MON) before work....go figure. Anyway, I told him whatever it was is gone or dead. Im terrified of warf rats. They aren't afraid of nothing and huge from what I've been told...haven't ever seen one and hope I don't.

Getting ready to leave work now, I will check post later tonight.

Have a great day,

dizzienc

[dizzienc]

I have some questions:

While I am trying to get all my finances together and figure out how to pay this debt back can they sue my mother? As I read on the home page and on my states SOL with her being on SS and she doesn't own any assets herself and never has that they cannot. Or that it would not be worth it for them.

Now, she is married and he owns the house and he has a pretty good bank account......but I read on the home page that a CC cannot go after the husband if his name is not on the account. How true is this?

I spoke with my mother and told her I was working with a group of people (you guys) that could hopefully set me on the right track.

She said for me to stop worrying my self so much. I told her it was driving me nuts knowing they were calling her all the time. She said it was ok she was just hanging up on them and if she seen who it was in caller ID she just didn't answer. I am more worried about this than she is!!!!

I know I have had collections against me with sprint for a high amount and a dept store credit( this was years ago) and nothing was ever done but harrasing phone calls.

PLEASE don't take this wrong as if it this is the case that I am not going to worry with paying my debt back. I HAVE to pay this debt back, it is eating at my insides to bad and yes I know that is what I deserve.

I would like to know so I can quit stressing a little. And about how much time I have to get things in order. I usually get a good chunk back at tax time...that would help alot.

Ok Im done now.

dizzienc:confused:

[newbie7069]

There is this one offer my mom gets to consolidate her cards thru MBNA...the amount would be deposited in her bank account and then we pay the creditors, with a payment I could afford. Do you think even though I have got this in such a mess that it would still be possible to do that? Wouldn't they look at the recent payment history and deny it?

I think truly this question would be better served in the debt settlement forum. I couldn't even begin to answer that. I would be concerned in that it would be going into her bank account, and from what little you have said about your mother's husband, it doesn't seem as though he would approve. You may have an issue there. But if it could work then it would seem to me to something worth pursuing. Yet again though I think you would probably be better served by posting this particular question in the debt settlement forum as the experts there would be more able to assist you.

Now, she is married and he owns the house and he has a pretty good bank account......but I read on the home page that a CC cannot go after the husband if his name is not on the account. How true is this?

I don't know about that either yet it doesn't sound right. I think I would do more searching on this forum as well as looking into the statutes of your state. They could get a default judgement against her and get directly from her bank account.

You really need to Stickies at the top of each forum, as they pretty much lay out the whole process.

[Lisa0825]

Have you pulled her credit reports yet? Are all of the debts within the statute of limitations for your state? If you just recently stopped paying on them, then they are. But if any might not be, that could take some stress off of you because once they are past the SOL, you have more power for negotiating pay-for-deletes and/or settlements.

[LadynRed]

If your step-father's name is the only one on the bank accounts and the house, then there is NO WAY that any of your mother's creditors -- these credit card companies - can touch HIS assets. Hopefully your mother's SS goes into a SEPARATE bank account with only her name on it and NO other funds are co-mingled in that account.

As nasty as they are, the chances of you - or rather your mother - being sued before these cards are charged-off is unlikely. Charge-off happens after 6 months of insufficient payments or no payments. Some will charge-off before 180 days. The only one of the group that you REALLY have to worry about is Discover. They WILL sue right after charge-off and they are VERY nasty about it. They'd sue your dog for the price of his bone if they could, the AMOUNT doesn't seem to matter to them. AMEX is also quite aggressive, how fast they'd sue depends on how much you really owe them. I certainly would NOT count on making it another 3 years w/o any legal action happening.

GCServices are a bunch of slime buckets, nasty buggers, your mother hanging up on them is the right thing for her to do.

[MissaFraQ]

They'd sue your dog for the price of his bone if they could

I can't help it Lady but that made my day. I just have to say thank you for the good belly laugh today