Southerngirl Posted November 4, 2006 Report Share Posted November 4, 2006 I'm pretty new here also, but I was thinking that if your mom sent DV lettersto all CA and OC that you owe, it might give you some time (30 days) and your mom a reprieve from the collection calls, so you can figure out the best way to proceed. Just a thought, I know the phone calls must be driving your mom crazy and I'm sure her husband is wondering why the phone is ringing all the time. Good Luck. These people here are great and will get you through this. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarneyFico Posted November 4, 2006 Report Share Posted November 4, 2006 Why would BK involve her husband?(78 and retired on SS) Everything I have read about CC's it falls only on the person whoes name is on the account. If we have to verify his income in BK that will be a prob.....they have been married 13yrs and mom has never known his bank account. He gets his statesments reads them and then rips them up and throws them in the trash. And when mom asks he will not tell her.VERY STINGY MAN.dizziencMAYBE the credit cards doesnt involve the husband but how can the bankruptcy not involve him. They are married so their assests are combined under the eyes of the law for the most part.By the way....is he still left out of the loop on this? Does he know you're thinking about making bankruptcy moves for his family? Seems like you and your mother did this behind his back....kinda wonder if he was filled in yet or is the whole thing going to collapse on his head not knowing anything about anything. Also, for you not wanting to be judged harshly your capped "VERY STINGY MAN" statement seems kinda angry and judgemental. Maybe your mom should have been more stingy like him then she wouldnt be in this mess. Instead she's looking irresponsible and deceitful now. I hope her relationship with her spouse wont suffer too much over this.....Seems like you blew your credit and hers as well....all with the best of intentions of course...you meant well. Now you "intend" on making bankruptcy payments for her....I wonder if you can even afford the bankruptcy process much less the payments.What do you want out of this board? I just dont know what magic they're supposed to help you pull out of the hat with. Bankruptcy seems like the end of the road when all other moves have failed. Its seems like you done your damage now it falls on their heads because I'm not hearing about any substantial money that you can come up with...just talk on the boards and talk with a BK lawyer is your role now. Now its looking like your main priority is keeping the husbands finances out of this which I say Good Luck with that. I highly doubt his finances will go untouched in a BK....he might as well pay your 25k for you and save whats left of his credit before it goes down the toilet....seems like he's going to have to pay one way or another. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadynRed Posted November 4, 2006 Report Share Posted November 4, 2006 They are married so their assests are combined under the eyes of the law for the most part. Not necessarily. At the worst, her mother would have to claim 50% - or less if he's got his name on all of HIS pre-marital assets- of the household assets. His income would have to be figured into her filing because of the means test, but I'd be willing to bet they're still way below the state median. Her name is not on the house, therefore that isn't her asset, so there shouldnt' be any problem there.The husband's credit would NOT be affected as there is NO reason for him to be included as a co-filer in a bankruptcy. NC is NOT a community property state. His name isn't in any way connected to these credit cards, so he's not going to be dinged with anything on his credit. You folks must remember that this 'very stingy man' was a child of the Depression. Their attitudes about money and such are VERY different from those of us who did not have to live thru that time... I know, my parents were teens during the Depression and it absolutely did shape the way they handled their finances. So did WWII and rationing. They grew up without the existence of credit cards and you paid CASH for everything -even houses. Our generation has NO CLUE what that was like so it's not hard to label him as a 'stingy' man. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dizzienc Posted November 4, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 4, 2006 Lady, I would like to apologize for my comment in previous post.Now that you explained why he is the way he is I totally understand and will not think of him as a 'stingy man" ever again.Thanks dizzienc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
willingtocope Posted November 4, 2006 Report Share Posted November 4, 2006 I'm not really trying to be insensitive here, but, see...http://www.debt-consolidation-credit-repair-service.com/forums/showthread.php?p=712154#post712154 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LadynRed Posted November 6, 2006 Report Share Posted November 6, 2006 Now that you explained why he is the way he is I totally understand and will not think of him as a 'stingy man" ever again.No apologies necessary . We tend to forget what life was like 50-70 years ago, we have tons of advantages that our parents and grandparents didn't have. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breathing_easier Posted November 6, 2006 Report Share Posted November 6, 2006 Just adding my 'off topic' two cents. I don't know if your mother's husband is stingy or not, but it does sound as if he has control issues and that the marriage is not 50/50. Why he wants to keep your mother in the dark as to his finances is baffling. Not one of us knows whether or not this is our last day on earth and by his not sharing with your mother (and vice versa) their financial situation may end up causing her a lot of grief in the long run. After all, sooner or later it will no longer be a secret. Of course, it sounds as if she needs to be open and honest with him as well. Perhaps theirs is just a marriage of convenience, which doesn't sound like much fun for anyone. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
direred Posted November 6, 2006 Report Share Posted November 6, 2006 Some people are just weird that way. My husband and I don't share accounts or much in the way of financial information. For example, I know what he was making when he was hired, know he's gotten a small raise since then, but really have no idea what he's actually making now. Likewise, we know the general tenor of what the other person owes, but he doesn't know specifics of my accounts and vice-versa. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dizzienc Posted November 6, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 6, 2006 When they ( mom & now husband) began dating, they actually did just that...went places....dinner, dancing and plenty of vacations.After about a year he asked her to marry him she said yes, then no more was said about it. Well mom called it quits after 2 more years and moved away to Vegas with my sister. Wasn't long he was out there after her.They married in Vegas came back to NC...his house. The only thing they do together is go out to eat on Thursday nights. But yet he is gone all day sitting at a garage with other men folk comes home to a hot meal on the table everyday at 5 sharp eats watches a little TV then goes to the VFW. Mom spends 90% of her time alone. She even sleeps in a different room!!!! She has her own bedroom with ALL her personal belongings in it. And photos of us kids all over.She will complain sometimes, but then if you try to get her outa the house she comes up with some excuse why not to go.I make it a point if I don't see her everyday I definatly call her. I was so busy yesterday trying to get this debt organized it was 11pm and I realized I had not spoke to her all day.......so I called her....she stays up late...lol.I love my mother dearly,,, and I am sick everyday for the mess I have caused.dizzienc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breathing_easier Posted November 7, 2006 Report Share Posted November 7, 2006 dizzie: Your mom's husband should just have hired a cook and a maid and left it at that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
BarneyFico Posted November 7, 2006 Report Share Posted November 7, 2006 Your mom must be with her husband for some reason(s). Financial security is probably one of them considering she is 73 years old and draws SS with $300 at the most in her checking with no savings and now $25,000 in debt. Thank God for the husbands paid off house to live in and his stable situation. At least she has that to fall back on. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breathing_easier Posted November 22, 2006 Report Share Posted November 22, 2006 dizzienc: When you have a moment, post and let us know how yesterday's meeting with the BK lawyer went. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dizzienc Posted November 26, 2006 Author Report Share Posted November 26, 2006 Hey all,I had to cancel the BK appt. I was out of work 4 days week before last with a horrid back spasm-damn fibro! My job was very upset with me so mom and I discussed it and decided it best not to miss work. I plan to reschedule but I need to give work time to chill.Now Im that much more in the hole. It seems like the harder I try the worse things get. This is really starting to get to me.dizzienc Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
breathing_easier Posted November 28, 2006 Report Share Posted November 28, 2006 There are plenty of lawyers who will schedule evening and weekend appointments. Don't let it wait too long. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts