Joke: The why of Men. I hope I don't offend anyone.

[imdoingitright]

The Whys of Men

1. WHY DO MEN BECOME SMARTER DURING SEX?

(because they are plugged into a genius)

2. WHY DON'T WOMEN BLINK DURING SEX?

(they don't have enough time)

3. WHY DOES IT TAKE 1 MILLION SPERM TO FERTILIZE ONE EGG?

(they don't stop to ask directions)

4. WHY DO MEN SNORE WHEN THEY LIE ON THEIR BACKS?

(because their balls fall over their butt-hole and they vapor lock)

(You're laughing aren't you?!?!)

5. WHY WERE MEN GIVEN LARGER BRAINS THAN DOGS?

(so they won't hump women's legs at cocktails parties)

6. WHY DID GOD MAKE MEN BEFORE WOMEN?

(you need a rough draft before you make a final copy)

7. HOW MANY MEN DOES IT TAKE TO PUT A TOILET SEAT DOWN?

(don't know.....it never happened)

( C'mon guys, we laugh at your blonde jokes!)

And the personal favorite:

8. WHY DID GOD PUT MEN ON EARTH?

(because a vibrator can't mow the lawn)

Remember, if you haven't got a smile on your face and laughter in your

heart...Then you are just an old sour fart !

One for the ladies

One day my housework-challenged husband decided to wash his Sweat-shirt

Seconds after he stepped into the laundry room, he shouted to me, "What

setting do I use on the washing machine?"

"It depends," I replied. "What does it say on your shirt?"

He yelled back, "University of Oklahoma."

And they say blondes are dumb...

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A couple is lying in bed. The man says,

"I am going to make you the happiest woman in the world."

The woman replies, "I'll miss you..."

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"It's just too hot to wear clothes today," Jack says as he stepped out

of the shower, "honey, what do you think the neighbors would think if I

mowed the lawn like this?"

"Probably that I married you for your money," she replied.

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Q: What do you call an intelligent, good looking, sensitive man?

A: A rumor

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Dear Lord,

I pray for Wisdom to understand my man; Love to forgive him; And

Patience for his moods. Because, Lord, if I pray for Strength, I'll beat

him to death.

AMEN

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--------------------------------------------------------- -

Q: Why do little boys whine?

A: They are practicing to be men.

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Q: What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and

calling your name?

A: You did not hold the pillow down long enough.

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Q: How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail?

A: Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manual."

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[bigjohnstud4200]

lol

[SugarNspice]

[rmuse00]

[chilton1]

[CleverCynic]

Hilee ufenciv

[DocDon]

O.k.... I'll stand up for us guys...

1) Women love to cry. But they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

2) Women will always ask questions that have no right answer in an effort to trap men into feeling guilty.

3) Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

4) Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and the second she gets home, she'll call that same friend and they'll talk for three hours.

5) Women think all beer is the same.

6) If a man and woman go on a one-week trip, the man will pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice. The woman will pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

7) Women brush their hair before bed.

8) The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is around 437. A team of scientists and engineers would not be able to identify more than 5 of these items.

9) Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

10) Women prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the toilet bowl instead of taking two seconds to put the seat down. They'll then spend ten minutes chewing the man out. The next day, they'll buy a fuzzy seat cover which makes it impossible for the lid to stay up, but also causes it to get peed on, which then leads to another lengthy chewing out.

[newbie7069]

Gotta disagree with a few of these.........

5) Women think all beer is the same.

Not true!!!!!! I can't stand Bock!!!!!!!!! And no way am I drinking Pabst, or Old Milwaukee, etc. etc!!

7) Women brush their hair before bed.

Not if you've got curly hair!!

8) The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is around 437. A team of scientists and engineers would not be able to identify more than 5 of these items.

How many of those items do you guys secretly like to use yourselves????

http://www.forbes.com/2007/07/13/style-products-men-forbeslife-cx_hp_0716style.html

[DocDon]

Not if you've got curly hair!!

I'm talking about the hair on top of your head.

[newbie7069]

I'm talking about the hair on top of your head.

:lol:

[CleverCynic]

I'm talking about the hair on top of your head.

freakin' perfect!!!

[zfire]

:roflmao:

[bigjohnstud4200]

I'm talking about the hair on top of your head.

LMFAO!

[LadynRed]

1) Women love to cry. But they won't do it alone unless they know you can hear them.

Wrong ! We will often cry alone so you WON'T hear us - and then we cry alone a lot when you guys are being ADUBS.

2) Women will always ask questions that have no right answer in an effort to trap men into feeling guilty.

Bullhockey. My ex would always ask questions that had NO answer and then give me crap because I couldn't answer it !

3) Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

We talk because YOU WON'T - and we're usually trying to pull some response from men that's more than a grunt or a snort. Of course, in the end we know it's futile.

4) Women love to talk on the phone. A woman can visit her girlfriend for two weeks, and the second she gets home, she'll call that same friend and they'll talk for three hours.

Sadly, this is true for some women. Thankfully, I"m not one of them !

5) Women think all beer is the same.

No, they're not all the same, they have different tastes - but I think they ALL taste horrible ! I don't like beer - nasty stuff.

6) If a man and woman go on a one-week trip, the man will pack five days worth of clothes and will wear some things twice. The woman will pack 21 outfits because she doesn't know what she'll feel like wearing each day.

Right.. and men will wear the same nasty, hole-ridden, t-shirt from the time they're 12 until they're collecting social security. At least we look presentable !

7) Women brush their hair before bed.

Yes, I do -- because I use hairspray and brushing it gets the stuff OUT of my hair. Brushing also stimulates the hair follicles -- which might be why you guys are going bald - and we're not

8) The average number of items in a woman's bathroom is around 437. A team of scientists and engineers would not be able to identify more than 5 of these items.

That's only if the scientists and engineers are all MEN !! And yes.. men do use some of those products and those that don't use any, probably would get some benefit from them.

9) Women cannot use a map without turning the map to correspond to the direction that they are heading.

WRONG - I don't - but how would you know.. you guys won't use a map anyway -- you all think knowing the road system is somehow instinctive.

10) Women prefer taking a flying butt leap towards the toilet bowl instead of taking two seconds to put the seat down. They'll then spend ten minutes chewing the man out. The next day, they'll buy a fuzzy seat cover which makes it impossible for the lid to stay up, but also causes it to get peed on, which then leads to another lengthy chewing out.

I don't do any leaping at the commode and I don't know any woman that does- but if I get up in the middle of the night to pee.. half asleep - I'd like to NOT fall into the damn bowl because you couldn't take the same 2 seconds to put the seat DOWN. AND.. that nasty rim we wind up missing.. is covered in .. your 'sprinkles' -- totally GROSS ! Have you ever had to clean a bathroom that MEN use ?? You guys get it EVERYWHERE !!

Battle of the sexes...

[DocDon]

touché

[saramorgan]

3) Women love to talk. Silence intimidates them and they feel a need to fill it, even if they have nothing to say.

We talk because YOU WON'T - and we're usually trying to pull some response from men that's more than a grunt or a snort. Of course, in the end we know it's futile.

I gotta add to this one.......LOL

Then I must have married a woman diguised as a burly construction worker because my husband can't shut up for more than 5 minutes unless the World Series of Poker is on TV. Even then he tries to tell the players how to bet............ROTFLMAO!