isislc Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Dear Wife, During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of once every ten days. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often: 54 times the sheets were clean 17 times it was too late 49 times you were too tired 20 times it was too hot 15 times you pretended to be sleep 22 times you had a headache 17 times you were afraid of waking the baby 16 times you said you were too sore 12 times it was the wrong time of the month 19 times you had to get up early 9 times you said weren't in the mood 7 times you were sunburned 6 times you were watching the late show 5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo 3 times you said the neighbors would hear us 9 times you said your mother would hear us Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory because: 6 times you just laid there 8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with 7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished 1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move KEEP READING....... ===================================================== TO MY DEAR HUSBAND: I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did: 5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat 36 times you did not come home at all 21 times you didn't come with energy 33 times you came too soon 19 times you went soft before you got in 38 times you worked too late 10 times you got cramps in your toes 29 times you had to get up early to play golf 2 times you were in a fight and someone kicked you in the balls 4 times you got it stuck in your zipper 3 times you had a cold and your nose was running 2 times you had a splinter in your finger 20 times you lost the motion after thinking about it all day 6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching TV Of the times we did get together: The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?" The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amerikaner83 Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 nice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CleverCynic Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 See? You gotta document EVERYTHING! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isislc Posted November 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 I do! I even record arguments on my cell phone with DH so I can use them against him later. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigjohnstud4200 Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 I do! I even record arguments on my cell phone with DH so I can use them against him later. WOW. LOL good thing I don't argue... that's what the volume on the TV is for. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isislc Posted November 1, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 I got sooo tired of him saying, "I never said that". Well, now he knows he did. lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zfire Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 Too funny! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lisajt66 Posted November 1, 2007 Report Share Posted November 1, 2007 That was PRICELESS!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amerikaner83 Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 I got sooo tired of him saying, "I never said that". Well, now he knows he did. lolYeah, but that'd only work in a 1 party state!Is WI a one-party state or two? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DocDon Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigjohnstud4200 Posted November 2, 2007 Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 I got sooo tired of him saying, "I never said that". Well, now he knows he did. lolOh, I understand the recording. My wife does that all the time. Or she will start saying something that I originally said first and try to correct me with it! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
isislc Posted November 2, 2007 Author Report Share Posted November 2, 2007 Yeah, but that'd only work in a 1 party state!Is WI a one-party state or two? Wis. Stat. § 968.31: A person who is a party to a wire, electronic or oral communication, or who has obtained prior consent from one party, can legally record and divulge the contents of the communication, unless he does so for the purpose of committing a criminal or tortious act.Now mind you, it says tortious, not tortuous. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
miracle Posted November 4, 2007 Report Share Posted November 4, 2007 horrible. just horrible. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
matthewscott Posted November 4, 2007 Report Share Posted November 4, 2007 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MasterP_Nice Posted November 5, 2007 Report Share Posted November 5, 2007 horrible. just horrible.but also true Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AntiPlastic Posted November 5, 2007 Report Share Posted November 5, 2007 Hey, somebody's been spying on my letters. And,as a correction, it was not "the cat", it was the "neighbor's cat" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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