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Whats a Mother to do?


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My youngest son just turned 13 and he's about 50 pounds overweight...well lately he has been eating so much on the weekends, that he's sick again on Monday morning, this morning I got up at 4 and he was up complaining of dirreaha and a stomach ache...this is about the 3rd time in 2 months.

I he eats everything, he'll eat a whole steak and then a whole frozen pizza...I have never been the kind of Mom to restrict what they eat...I limit the sodas...and buy good things like salads....we have talked about nutrition and he is just getting so heavy the other kids are starting to tease him.

I don't know what to do as there are already self esteem issues, I myself am not thin...my other kids can eat anything like their dad and don't gain a pound...hubby is 6 ft tall and wears size 28 jeans....my older son is 6'1 and wears size 29 jeans.

I hate to be mean, as I know how I felt being the largest in my family...I have tried paying him to lose weight, but he spends it on food...I have tried rewarding him, he just ignores it and says he does not care...so whats a mother to do?

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want me to send a pic of me nekkid so he can see where hes headed? :lol:

(actually had a GOOD friend bring his two young sons into the coffe shop i frequented, introduce them to me, then say.." THAT'S what's gonna happen to you if you don't listen to me and your mom and eat right.")

:shock:

That's just wrong.

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My son who is 10 is not very overweight but I can see he loves to eat. We have had to restrict what he eats so that he can "learn" the healthy way to eat. For example he likes oranges so we make sure to include those in his meal. I'm sure he has my genes, poor thing, I eat and I gain, DH eats and still has "chicken" legs. :lol: My other two are the same as DH. They're picky and they are both skinny. Not good either. We found that having only healthy choices will allow them to have the ability to make the right choice. It's hard but when we have sweets they are eaten as a dessert on special ocassions. And these items are kept in the highest cabinets just like the medicines. :lol: Maybe you can talk to him about starting a sports activity. No excercise and unhealthy eating is not a good combo. I know you said you never had to restrict what they eat Who, but it is important to set boundaries for the kids in all aspects of their lives, even in eating. Our son is not allowed to drink soda unless it's a special ocassion. Many adults will say that they were "thankful" their parents setup boundaries for them. :)

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Ok, hun, you need to put a halt to this. Like Muse suggested, only make healthy choices available around the house. You need to limit them now or they will end up with a problem like my daughter. She is now 19, 4' 8" tall and weighs 315 lbs. I feel bad for her because she lived between my mom's house and mine and she preferred there because she could eat whatever she wanted. Whenever I had her, she would literally lose 20lbs in just a couple of weeks eating healthy.

Now I'm trying to convince her to see my doctor and get on a weight loss plan also. If you don't control the weight now, it is going to put a lot of stress on the joints and may involve painful surgeries and recoveries down the line.

If you make only healthy choices available at home and he may be mad, no more allowances. If he wants to buy food, you can buy it for him. Do it now or he will end up developing lots of health problems down the line.

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Keep in mind that eating habits do spike around that puberty age and he's likely to have that "good summer" soon where he grows a couple of inches seemingly overnight. He'll care more about his appearance when high school gets a firm hold on him. At least then half the battle will be won and he'll want to lose the weight.

Personally I'd let him fill up on steaks and lean meats if you can afford it. It's better than chips and empty carbs.

Maybe buy him a weight set? Let him burn off some energy and build some muscle. It motivated me at 14. * I was a skinny teenager though, but I wanted some good bulk.

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WE have a boflex, and a weight bench...we used to do Tae Kwon do and that kept him active...none around here where we live now...he is not interested in sports...he rides the quads sometimes, he does almost no chores...and his only real excercise is walking to the shop after school...he has no kids living close for playmates...he spends alot of time with video games...or the internet...he likes to gook and wants to learn...so it's hard to be supportive of his dream and not let him eat...

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WE have a boflex, and a weight bench...we used to do Tae Kwon do and that kept him active...none around here where we live now...he is not interested in sports...he rides the quads sometimes, he does almost no chores...and his only real excercise is walking to the shop after school...he has no kids living close for playmates...he spends alot of time with video games...or the internet...he likes to gook and wants to learn...so it's hard to be supportive of his dream and not let him eat...

You can support him in his dream of cooking by making healthy meals. It isn't hard, just keep the non healthy food out of the house. For example, I don't allow things like fast food or pizza in the house. Only time it's allowed is when DF is home alone with the baby. He is also not allowed to feed the baby any of that junk filler food. I leave specific meals that include veggies and fruit. His favorites are broccolli, tomatoes and cucumbers. There is plenty cooking he can do with healthy foods, try to push him in that direction and keep the junk fillers out of the house.

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he spends alot of time with video games...or the internet..
Why don't you allow that on an exchange basis? Like for every hour of activity, he gets an hour of video games.

He's young enough that physical activity should burn off most of th0se calories.

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I'm not of the thinking that something taken away can ever really be an incentive when given back, it just becomes status quo in the midst of a harsh punishment tactic. Incentives have to be something new or the ability to achieve something through an action or change of course.

Just try not to muddle up his self-image in the process... it'll be the way it'll be and he'll either remember you being supportive or an agent of psychological trauma in retrospect.

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:waah: I would say he probably needs a buddy! My Grandmother would scold me and make me feel horrible because I would want Shakey's one day, and the next day we're going to Tommy's. She is a big woman, and would constantly hound me about my weight. I think the biggest thing was she would let herself fail in front of me, and when she would try to help, she made me feel ugly, fat and guilty.

I think maybe you two could start cooking together for the family, and pick up stuff like "deceptively delicious" or "the sneaky chef" and maybe tell him we need to make THE FAMILY healthier and maybe make it "your secret" what's really in the food.

If he is being teased and/or knows he's overweight, he feels bad enough I can assure you! I would really try to turn it into a "healthy" thing.

I don't know what to tell you, I stepped on the scale earlier because my contractor didn't believe what I really weight. And, there it was, about 5 pounds heavier. I think it could be because of lack of sleep, high stress, and will come off quick, but I can just tell you, he is going to turn encouragement into guilt, guilt into need, need into food.

Wish I could help more.

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My 14 yr old daughter is 5ft 5in. and she weighs 170lbs. She started to get chubby when she was around 10 yrs old. I always chalked it up to genes. Because she is built just like her dad and he is 6'2" and i would guess he is around 230lbs. Well, I always made sure we had plenty of fruit to snack on, but my boyfriend always had the oreos, etc. in the house. And of course that is what she ate.

A few years ago, I started to question her snack choices, but she would just shrug it off. She used to play outside with her friends, but now she just wants to sit on the computer or the ps3. She cries about how fat she is, but when i listen and comfort her, I just can't bring myself to tell her that she is fat. I tell her there are only two ways to lose weight. Diet and exercise. Period. She knows this, and has tried both, but of course doesn't stick to them.

I had to take her to get a school physical and our new doctor flat out told her she was obese. And that if she doesn't lose weight she could get diabetes. My daughter flat out refuses to believe this doctor. No matter what I tell her.

Now she is going to have swim class at high school, and she cries about not wanting to be seen in a bathing suit. I tell her that this will just make her a stronger person. And that NO GIRL wants to be seen in a bathing suit in front of classmates, even the skinny ones!

I have tried to get my bf to quit buying the junk food, and then my daughter just walks up the street and buys junk from the vending machines at our local store.

I don't know what to do. I have tried doing aerobics with her, but it's even hard for ME to stick to that.

So what I am trying to say is that you and your sons are not alone in this problem. Good luck

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OK lets start from basics. You say youre not skinny. Well why not do it together. Even if you have to lose 20 ponuds its a joint effert.

gives him someone to talk/compare the journey with. Make a chart with both your names. When was the last time you just took him/the whole family

out to just walk or ride bikes???

As for cooking-go to the library or bookstore and buy him a childs low fat cook book.

They have easy recipes and the food does not look half bad. Its hard I know. Been there done that. But mine was at work with my friends.

My son was in double leg cast gor 6 weeks and boy did he get fat. After the cast came off I limited his food entake and he got active again and weight came off. I did weight watchers which covers reg food and portion control.

Easy for us hard for a child luck too ya on that and keep us informed

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If he doesn't care about his weight then you are not going to be able to make him lose. However you can limit his access to junk when he's at home or at your shop. do you have a dog? walking and playing with a pup would make him active. if he likes video games maybe a wii with some active games. i think they have a Tae Kwon do game and some others like it. sooner or later he will change his ways.

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I'm not trying to get all "Oprah" and "Dr. Phil" on ya but you know what they say about using food as comfort food. I belief that "genes" does play a part but also deeper issues. When food is used as a comfort food it's time to try and take a look at what issues lie beneath the need to find that comfort. I know my kid is dealing with "self esteem" issues. Because he is gifted he was never able to relate to many of his peers and he seems to always be looking for approval. DH and I are daily dealing with helping him on that. However, since switching schools, he is now in a gifted school, he actually seems happier and both DH & I have noticed his weight has gone down some. He now has kids his own age that think and learn the way he does. During dinner he does have a tendency to eat too fast which is how his mind works so we now make him take a bite and chew for a count of 5 so we make sure he is spacing his eating. :roll: He used to be done before the food made it around the table and we're only 5 at the table. So we have a child that eats too fast and too much, one that doesn't eat enough and one that you never know what she's gonna like or not like. :? Anyway, it might be important to try talking out some issues that might be the catalyst for some of the over eating. :)

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:waah: I would say he probably needs a buddy! My Grandmother would scold me and make me feel horrible because I would want Shakey's one day, and the next day we're going to Tommy's. She is a big woman, and would constantly hound me about my weight. I think the biggest thing was she would let herself fail in front of me, and when she would try to help, she made me feel ugly, fat and guilty.

I think maybe you two could start cooking together for the family, and pick up stuff like "deceptively delicious" or "the sneaky chef" and maybe tell him we need to make THE FAMILY healthier and maybe make it "your secret" what's really in the food.

If he is being teased and/or knows he's overweight, he feels bad enough I can assure you! I would really try to turn it into a "healthy" thing.

I don't know what to tell you, I stepped on the scale earlier because my contractor didn't believe what I really weight. And, there it was, about 5 pounds heavier. I think it could be because of lack of sleep, high stress, and will come off quick, but I can just tell you, he is going to turn encouragement into guilt, guilt into need, need into food.

Wish I could help more.

/Mod Hat on

I just moved this post into this thread

/Mod Hat off

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Who, it is a lifelong process to being healthy and it has to start somewhere. You might want to seek the help of a nutritionist or doctor to get something started.

Sounds like your son needs some other friends besides food and computer games. Oh how my heart goes out to him. I endured the struggle all my life. Weight Watchers is helping me now. One of the main reasons I wanted change now is to help my children lead healthier lives.

It is difficult being an overweight adult and worse being an overweight child. Help him to understand that it will be easier to deal with the changes now.

Good luck and I'll be praying for you all.

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Thanks for the support and encouragement, I showed him this thread and told him how worried I was for his future...he was impressed a bunch of people who did not know him has not said anything bad....

Being overweight is not the worst thing in the world but it is something he can hopefully control...I am expecting a growth spurt too, after all he has started getting adult hair...so I told him overeating is bad...but learning to be a healthy gook would benefit him so much more...I told him we will go shopping for a new healthly cookbook when I get home...

Thanks everyone

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Thanks for the support and encouragement, I showed him this thread and told him how worried I was for his future...he was impressed a bunch of people who did not know him has not said anything bad....

Being overweight is not the worst thing in the world but it is something he can hopefully control...I am expecting a growth spurt too, after all he has started getting adult hair...so I told him overeating is bad...but learning to be a healthy gook would benefit him so much more...I told him we will go shopping for a new healthly cookbook when I get home...

Thanks everyone

If you're into the grilled and baked type of stuff, Bobby Flay has some pretty good healthy choices cook books out there.

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