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Things You Should Never Say to a Cop


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1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer. (OK in Texas )

2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realize my radar detector wasn't plugged in.

3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?

4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!

5. Are You Andy or Barney?

6. I thought yo u had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.

7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?

8. I pay your salary!

9. Gee, Office r! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!

10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.

11. I was trying to keep up with traffic. Yes, I know there are no other

cars around.. That's how far ahead of me they are.

12. When the Officer says 'Gee Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?' You probably shouldn't respond with,'Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?'

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A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: Yeah, but I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun away.

Officer: You have a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes, that's where I put it after I shot the woman who owns the car and put her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a body in the trunk?

Driver: Just one.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain. The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner's card.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told there is a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Captain: I don't understand. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glove box, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: He must be having an off day. I bet he told you I was speeding, too.

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I was busted going over 90 miles an hour once. I saw the cop and hurried to pull over then jumped out and started throwing up on the side of the road. The officer thought I was drinking or on drugs, then I told him I was pregnant and had to throw up due to morning and motion sickness with the car with no where to stop so I had to speed up around the side to puke. Didn't want to cause an accident because I start puking all over myself and find I can't stop you know. lol I know how to throw up on demand when necessary. The guy let me off with a warning and made sure I was ok before he left. Note: I wasn't pregnant. ;)

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