I KNOW I am not the only one...

[Crash]

How do I prevent my wife from unknowingly hurting our family by applying for credit cards. I swear she has a sickness, and I've heard of ways of limiting or stopping CC app's in the mail. But, how do I stop her outrightly using my SS# and forging my sig on a CC app, say online, without divorce being an issue?

I just cashed in my 401K to pay off one of my own CC mistakes, I cannot afford another mistake in the near future.

Also, are there any legal issues from me pulling her CR without her knowledge?

[swirlgirl]

Legally, you cannot pull someone's CR without their permission.

If there is a credit card opened in your name and with your SS#, you should file the paperwork for ID Theft. You do not have to provide that you know who is doing it. But if you do this, you will want to get some help/counseling for your wife. She sounds like she has a real problem. If she doesn't stop and doesn't want help, you may be forced to report this to the police. I know it sounds crazy, but if she's truly our of control, you will need to do something to get her attention and let her know you are serious.

[Fairy Enchantress]

Do you think a fraud alert on all three credit reports would help him out too? That way if there are credit applications going through on his credit report, they would have too call him before the credit cards get approved, right?

Maybe he could list his cell phone number on the fraud alerts so he can't miss the calls.

I am not positive this will work , but I think it would help. Let's see what others will say about my post.

PS. Crash I am sorry you are going through this. You are not the only one. I have seen husbands on here before complaining about the same thing. Swirlgirl made some good points too.

Here is the link to if you choose to Opt-Out, you will no longer be included in firm offer lists provided by these four consumer credit reporting companies

https://www.optoutprescreen.com/?rf=t

[deltadawn]

I think Fairy Enchantress has a point - opt out and place a FA (good for 90 days) with the CRA's.

It may not stop her from obtaining cc with her sss #; however, yours should be safe.....and it will not stop her from using the cc she has already obtained in your name (unless you apply for ID Theft - as mentioned by swirlgirl)

Although a FA can be extended, this is a short term fix - you need to convince her to get the help she needs.

[LeslieR]

Sounds like a case for Dr. Phil.

No, in all seriousness, I understand your dilemma. Try the fraud alert first and simultaneously sign up at https://www.optoutprescreen.com/?rf=t.

Good luck.

[jq26]

Crash-

your state allows folks to fill out a form and FREEZE credit permanently. This will prevent ANY credit being opened on your behalf. It will cost you $10. Then $10 to lift the freeze again once your wife has been reigned in. That $10 will probably save you from divorce or bankruptcy...or both.

http://www.consumersunion.org/campaigns/learn_more/003484indiv.html#NC

North Carolina (security freeze rights established by state law)

Eligibility: All Consumers

Fees: No fees for identity theft victims with a valid report or complaint with a law enforcement agency. All others pay $10 to place the freeze, lift it temporarily, or remove it altogether.

Effective date of law: December 1, 2005

Permanent freeze remains until removal requested by consumer.

Copy of North Carolina’s security freeze law

Instructions for using North Carolina’s security freeze law from NC’s Attorney General

fyi- many other states have this feature as well.

[Gator51]

Uh don't want to be a smart a$$ but this is your wife right? I hate to say it but you are what we used to call pu$$y whiped. I realize you want to avoid conflict but there are some things a married couple just have to agree on. If she can't understand this your marrige isn't going to last that long anyway. I know this sounds harsh but lay down the law. Many years ago my wife developed a small but growing gambling problem. I asked her to quit and she hid it. I told her I loved her but if she ever entered another casino I would leave her. Thank God she quit but I made up my mind I couldn't live with the other option if she didn't think enough of me to quit. Just do it.

[kleep]

I've heard this from more than one of my friends too.

One of my friend's (now ex-) wife opened credit cards in both their names without his knowledge. He found out about them after she had maxed them out and the collectors started calling (unknown where statements went).

After much ado, he insisted she have responsibility for the debt in the divorce agreement. She was to pay them off - only never did. Although he went to great lengths - including sending this agreement to the collectors, they plagued him with letters, calls, and it remained on his CRAs.

He eventually just paid them off to get rid of the headache. I told him there were other ways, but he righly pointed out that it would have cost him just as much to argue and he still would have the hassle.

While in my friend's case, no amount of counseling would have helped, I have faith that some sort of intervention/therapy can help others. Freezing credit and alerts will protect in the short term, but the root problem is deeper and must be dealt with to save the relationship.

Good Luck!

[deltadawn]

Gator, I'm glad everything worked out for you; however, with all due respect, I believe in unconditional love. I agree that financial difficulties can ruin a marriage, you can't change someone by ultimatums - they have to have the desire to change themselves.

[bigswanging23]

Gator, I'm glad everything worked out for you; however, with all due respect, I believe in unconditional love. I agree that financial difficulties can ruin a marriage, you can't change someone by ultimatums - they have to have the desire to change themselves.

I don't believe in unconditional love. In fact, I think it's probably destructive in a marital relationship. I feel like conditions are necessary for having a successful partnership.

If your partner beat you mercilessly every night, was in numerous extra-marital sexual relationships, continually abused your trust, et cetera, you should probably withdraw your love, no?

And sorry for the attempted thread jacking.

[deltadawn]

Love is a "two way street". A sucessful partnership does have to have trust and respect for each other.

An abusive relationship is usually a "one way street".

[jq26]

Maybe wife has a spending issue. Its actually not that uncommon. I know two married couples who were in very similar situations. And no, it wasn't because anyone was $%&^% whipped so get that out of your head. Its a destructive addiction. Cut off the credit and then work on the problem.

[admin]

Uh don't want to be a smart ass but this is your wife right? I hate to say it but you are what we used to call pu$$y whiped.

Gator, calling someone names is the against the TOS (terms of service) please refrain from personal attacks

[Crash]

Crash-

your state allows folks to fill out a form and FREEZE credit permanently. This will prevent ANY credit being opened on your behalf. It will cost you $10. Then $10 to lift the freeze again once your wife has been reigned in. That $10 will probably save you from divorce or bankruptcy...or both.

http://www.consumersunion.org/campaigns/learn_more/003484indiv.html#NC

North Carolina (security freeze rights established by state law)

Eligibility: All Consumers

Fees: No fees for identity theft victims with a valid report or complaint with a law enforcement agency. All others pay $10 to place the freeze, lift it temporarily, or remove it altogether.

Effective date of law: December 1, 2005

Permanent freeze remains until removal requested by consumer.

Copy of North Carolina’s security freeze law

Instructions for using North Carolina’s security freeze law from NC’s Attorney General

fyi- many other states have this feature as well.

Thank you so much for that info, I wasn't aware of that, but that is EXACTLY what I was looking for. Thanks to everyone else who posted as well. It is much appreciated. Oh and I did pull her credit report and I'll check it out today with her not here. LOL@p****whipped comment, I would be in jail right now if my wife would have pressed charges a couple of times in the past, so I owe her.

[Gator51]

Gator, calling someone names is the against the TOS (terms of service) please refrain from personal attacks

I apologize to Crash, yourself and the board. I'm new here and didn't realize the strict interpretation of the rules. I am sorry and didn't mean it to sound the way it did. I will be more careful in the future.

I don't know Crash and had no business comenting on his personal life. Was only trying to help.

[Crash]

I apologize to Crash, yourself and the board. I'm new here and didn't realize the strict interpretation of the rules. I am sorry and didn't mean it to sound the way it did. I will be more careful in the future.

I don't know Crash and had no business comenting on his personal life. Was only trying to help.

No problem here. I am here probably just like you trying to learn...

[jq26]

Its all good.

[LeslieR]

Marriage and money. Lots of anecdotal and "real" data indicate that money is the #1 conflict couples have. There are probably lots of things to love about Crash's wife. I really give him credit for not just wanting to walk away from what the rest of us are judging as a terrible action on her part. He's taking the necessary steps to protect himself and uphold is "in good times and bad" commitment.

Things could get worse before they get better, but if you act swiftly and with firm intent, they will get better.

[jq26]

I know this is anti-Dave Ramseyish, but my wife and I do not mix our incomes. We both contribute to our respective retirement accounts, both contribute to monthly bills via direct deposit of a fixed amount into joint checking, both contribute fixed amount into joint savings in ING, and both contribute to our child's 529 monthly. We use our tax return to pay the annual insurance in full for vehicles, both homes, and liability policiy and then split our tax return 50/50 with respective deposit into each account.

We've been together five years, lived together for 3.5 years, and have never once had an argument about money. Some say we should comingle funds just because we're married. I just don't see any reason. It has worked so well up to this point.

Obviously if incomes are very unequal then this doesn't work.

Off-topic- just an observation.

[deltadawn]

Some say we should comingle funds just because we're married. I just don't see any reason. It has worked so well up to this point.

I'm a firm believer that "you don't try to fix something that ain't broken".

[Robert Nashville/Savannah]

Continuing the off-topic conversation...

I’m certainly not going to stand here (metaphorically speaking of course) and tell anyone that they are “wrong” for conducting their marriage finances separately nor do I need to defend Dave Ramsey for that matter.

What really matters is that if “your” system works or not!

I can only say that for myself, were I ever to marry again (pretty unlikely at this point), I would absolutely never marry someone whom I didn’t trust enough to have most if not all of our accounts as “joint” accounts…perhaps I’m just being old fashioned or falling back on my religious beliefs but it seems to me that “trust” in a marriage is far more important than what most people call “love”…if we don’t trust each other enough to bring our finances together; why should we marry?

Looking at it another way, keeping everything “separate” is somewhat like trying to run a marriage as a if it’s a business partnership…seems to me that’s a recipe for failure (most business partnerships usually end that way too; or at least with prior friends/family not be friends any longer)! It might also be called a presumption that it will fail (keeping everything separate makes separating it later much easier).

Prenuptial arrangements, not that anyone asked, may also bee seen as a presumption of eventual failure and generally, I dislike them. However, if one party to the marriage is bringing vastly more pre-marital assets into the fold I do think it prudent that to establish ahead of time what each is bringing into the marriage and how things should be divided in the case of a divorce

Just my $0.02

[LeslieR]

I know this is anti-Dave Ramseyish, but my wife and I do not mix our incomes. We both contribute to our respective retirement accounts, both contribute to monthly bills via direct deposit of a fixed amount into joint checking, both contribute fixed amount into joint savings in ING, and both contribute to our child's 529 monthly. We use our tax return to pay the annual insurance in full for vehicles, both homes, and liability policiy and then split our tax return 50/50 with respective deposit into each account.

We've been together five years, lived together for 3.5 years, and have never once had an argument about money. Some say we should comingle funds just because we're married. I just don't see any reason. It has worked so well up to this point.

Obviously if incomes are very unequal then this doesn't work.

Off-topic- just an observation.

My SO and I don't combine, either. We have a vacation account that we both contribute to, and each take responsibility for our own emergency funds, our own vehicles, and divide the household expenses (each receiving and paying the same set of bills each month). I'm relieved of housing/mortgage payments at this time so that I can concentrate on my student loans (nice luxury I'm grateful for). We have developed a system that works and we hold no joint accounts.

This isn't a matter of trust. It's just how we eased into the relationship and how things evolved due to various practical factors impacting the relationship> e.g., I'm not contributing to the SO's kids' college funds, etc. (But would should the need arise).