credit2011

Would you marry someone who just filed BK and owes the IRS alot of money?

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I am asking this question for a friend of mine who asked me a question.

 

Would you marry someone who just filed BK and owes the IRS alot of money- over  180K?

 

My friend is a male and she his girlfriend  is a breadwinner.

Her boyfriend- my friend wanted to know the legal ramifications of marrying someone with a recent BK filing and her large IRS debt bill which has not settled yet for pennies on the dollar- ( so they say it ).

 

His credit is not the best as well, but regular collection debt of 20K and he works and makes decent $ but not enough to avoid paying his debts to avoid being sued.

 

He said he was not so much concerned about her BK, but was more about her IRS- as if they settle for a figure , and  if she cant make a payment arrangement ( who can on 6 figures now a days - what are his risks?

 

 

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If all this is happening in Calif. a community property state, NO! Yet anything prior to marriage should not effect him, it probably will. At the least she will be hounded for many years.

so all this before marriage for him, if they continue to collect on her and she does not pay, they could come after him? I assume not as all this was prior to marriage.

You stated- if anything prior to marriage should not effect him, it probably will.

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I would say legally, they shouldn't be able to, but you know how the Government and JDB's are. If there is a way for them to get money from him they will. Should they take it, and it not be legal, it's going to be harder for him to get it back, if at all. I have lived in thrty three states, including Calif. I know how money crazy they are. One reason I moved out of there. That and the fact that they are a community property state.

 

Better they live as a common law marriage, most do now days, I'm not in favor of it, but it would be safer. The world is carzy now days, lol... Heck, I am 44 years older than my wife.

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@credit2011

 

My concern would be the reasons she got into debt.  If it was because of habits and/or bad judgment, has she changed?  If not, it could happen again.

From what I heard it seemed to me like irresponsibility and bad habits coupled with an economic downturn to recover. I heard it was not filing taxes at all and then it caught up as well as massive almost  6 figure credit card debt-the main reason to file BK at first.   People can change and recover, but it just seems like a bad addiction on her part to me. Letting things go so long for a free ride I guess not sure.

I told my friend to be very cautious.She would not be able to contribute to buying a home, anything for the next 10 years, they are both in their 40's. Now no one is bailing her out like before really her father helped her manage, but now that is over.

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IMHO:  NO!  This has financial disaster written all over it and until they both can manage their finances on their own well even if their credit isn't stellar they have no business dragging a spouse into their debt problems with them.

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My opinion (for what it's worth). . . 

 

If she has a spending problem that is not under control he should not marry. In a community property state, his debt is her debt and her debt is his debt.  The minute they marry (unless they specifically disavow the "community" - will want to see a family law attny about "disavowing") any debt she runs up (there are a few exceptions) he will be responsible for.  Having $180k in taxes and nearly $100k in credit card debt tells me she has some issues.  Address those issues first.

 

Des.

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My opinion (for what it's worth). . . 

 

If she has a spending problem that is not under control he should not marry. In a community property state, his debt is her debt and her debt is his debt.  The minute they marry (unless they specifically disavow the "community" - will want to see a family law attny about "disavowing") any debt she runs up (there are a few exceptions) he will be responsible for.  Having $180k in taxes and nearly $100k in credit card debt tells me she has some issues.  Address those issues first.

 

Des.

I do know that she is not spending as she does not have funds anymore to do so. She is trying to save what she can and is actually not making a lot of money anymore. But the worst part is a hopeful settlement with the IRS- Not sure how they settle with people when all they can afford to do is live on what they make barely.

Its tough for my friend- He can eventually pay his debt somehow- she cant ever really- but the emotional burden for him is taking its toll- she puts a lot of her issues on him , meaning constantly talking about her problems. it wears him down and he is depressed and not happy- Its sad but money and relationships sure have a lot to do with things now a days.

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but the emotional burden for him is taking its toll- she puts a lot of her issues on him , meaning constantly talking about her problems. it wears him down and he is depressed and not happy-

 

Even MORE of a reason to not only not get married but to take a break from this relationship.  It is clearly toxic and no one should go through life depressed and worn down because of someone else's burdens.

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Even MORE of a reason to not only not get married but to take a break from this relationship.  It is clearly toxic and no one should go through life depressed and worn down because of someone else's burdens.

How does someone tell someone that with them not hurting the other person.

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How does someone tell someone that with them not hurting the other person.

 

I am not saying she won't be hurt but there is a way to do it without being cruel.  There is of course the old stand by "it is not you its me" line (no, really its you) but that usually invites begging and pleading. 

 

The best thing to do in my opinion is to simply say he is not ready for marriage and due to circumstances in his life he feels that right now he should not be in a relationship and then cut it off.  The more he allows her to lean on him financially and emotionally the worse this will get for him.  I suspect she will panic and try to manipulate him into staying which should be a giant red flag.  In the end he will be glad he made the decision to back off until they are both stable.

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